Friday, March 20, 2009

Please Save Him, Please...

It’s the smell. It really fucking creeps up on you, man. It would stop me, but who do I think I am? You think that’ll really stop me? Good fucking luck, man. I could wake up in a tub of ammonium carbonate and still light up. We’ve been conditioned to believe in conditioning, but it’s really all bullshit. That seems contradictory, doesn’t it? I guess it does, but hey, what the fuck are you gonna do? We all complain about something, but the most we get is ten percent off our next purchase.
Oh, you found a frog’s foot in your soup? We are so sorry; we’ll replace that order right away. Oh yes, of course, you can have anything you’d like sir. Your bill will be on the house, sir. Yes, sir, no problem. Want me to suck your ass? But of course, only the finest for you. I insist, please take a shit on our front steps. Nuestra casa es su casa. Do whatever the fuck you want. It’s really A-O-fucking-K. I’ll get you some lemon juice right away. I mean, I’m sure I could find you a sanitary needle, but what for….i’m gonna have to call the cops.
I don’t need to deal with that kind of shit. Please don’t suck me into your self-loathing paradoxical atrocities. I don’t need this. Just walk away from this taco stand and live your life. Uninterrupted. Dare you abrupt me? I divulge, I DIVULGE.
I found myself in a maze of grand fir. I didn’t know which way was North so I started to walk aimlessly. You could call it aimless, but I feel like I had a purpose. A real purpose, man. I trust intuition. It’s the only reliable source we have. That and the IRS, but who’s going to believe the IRS, despite all the surgery they perform? I certainly wouldn’t, I know that much. You fucking idiots. You scum. You disgust me. Go back to your humble abode in the middle of every dilapidated farm you pass in the country. That’s where you live. For ever. For. Ever.


Going back to Cali. Cali. Cali. Going back to Cali…..I don’t think so. Eat my ass, faggot.

GOD DAMN YOU Kevin, god damn you

I’m so sad. I’m so lonely. I am slime. I commit crimes in my mind and then slide the handle of the hatch to alleviate the mind fuck I go through every day. Mind fuck me. Do it. You dirty slut. I understand where you’re coming from, but there’s really no need for that. You realize that’s a weapon, you know? I don’t give a shit if they’re fucking Prada, don’t stab me with that shit. It hurts. Like my beard hurts. We can duel as long as I get the other one. Mono y mono. You get it, fuckhead? Dipshit? You’re worth nothing. You’ll never amount to anything. You’re scum. I scrape you off my shoe. I see you lying face down in the gutter and I spit on you. That’s how below me you are. I can’t believe I’m even addressing you right now, you don’t even deserve my attention. I shouldn’t even waste my mind power on you. You’re just so god damn captivating. What is that? It’s a black hole of attention. You just fucking eat it all up and don’t even realize it. You fucking ingrate. You take it away from me. It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR. God himself sculpted me out of the finest flesh he has in his kitchen and you, you deformed freak, steal it all with a stare. How ridiculous. I could make Narcissus himself gaze up from the water but you manage to win every time. I guess people like a freak. I come packed with the charm of an English schoolboy yet you’ve got your head in between a woman’s legs half the week. It’s fucking ridiculous, man.

Stalin, Tell Me How My Ass Taste

Snow dicks. I bet her nipples are especially erect. I mean, shit, they’re straight chilling. We should put a baby in between them. Nurse that child. Nurse that wild child, he needs domestication. Throw him in a cage and wait two days. See what happens. That’s how you make a glass baby into stone. Rough him up a bit. It’s really the only full-proof means to make sure your kid’s not a pussy. I don’t want to come home one day and walk into a YMCA brothel in my den. That’s not what I want. The not that I do not want. God, just the blankness is coming over me. A general malaise. A mayonnaise. Malayonaise. Mayonnaise is malaise. THEY ARE ONE. ONE HOLY UNION. The trinity of the pyramid. The three corners. The trifecta. Napoleon’s triumvirate. My-umvirate. And then he died!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

He's So Vain

It was silent as to where you could hear each flake hit the surface. That eerie calmness in the middle of the woods where you can hear each movement your body makes.
“I can hear the sirens,” Marv said as he stared up into the air.
“I don’t get it. I really don’t, Marv. What’s the point of having two lines? I mean, I can obviously see one. I just don’t see the point in wasting all that paint and all that time. The whole system’s corrupt. That’s why Calamity has no idea what is going on for the fair enough of the lots of stuff is not the stuff for which I may biff baff shiff shaff. I have never experienced something like hearing the Talking Heads in their full glory. It’s fantastic.
What does the real mind think about the manger and the hay?
Which came first, masochism or sadism? Or perhaps they’ve been around since, say, Sodom and Gomora? Zing!
The complications that ensue a massive stuffed animal slaughterhouse are unbearable to watch. If you have ever seen that much stuffing at once, you’ll never look at the world again. I’d rather perish to a terrible death like Ebola than have to work in a place like that. How can anyone function after having to pull apart so many of those poor innocent souls? The functioning soul needs sleep and if it does not receive that essential vitamin of life, it will forever live in a void of fulfillment with no salvation. Enjoy your late night life, because it will come to a very terrible and abrupt end. Still waiting….I’m still waiting.

A lasting soul in the heart of the jungle fever forest…

Ts: there is no way that you can eat your way out of here, it’s too thick, you’ll never make it

Cici: are you kidding me? That’s like 3 mouthfuls, tops. I’ll bet you 30 blasto units that I can eat my way through in less than 2 minutes. Guaranteed.

Ts: that’s absolutely ridiculous. I’ll take that bet and thank you for your money now. You’re delusional.

Rue: Wait wait wait wait. I don’t see what the problem here is. Why are you trying to eat your way out of here. There’s no reason to leave. Look at this place, it’s outrageous; where else are you gonna find something like that table made of carbs or that light fixture. That fixture only uses 32 photons. That’s saving the earth, man. We gotta save the earth, man.

Ts: What? Whatever, you better pay up after you lose this Cici. I’ll be over here, just come put it in my hand when you’re finished.

Take Them To The Curb!

Behind a set of bars lies the truth of my life. He saved my life by sacrificing his. But who gives a shit about him, I’m ALIVE. ALIVE. ALIVE.


My house is brown. It has a cat in it. It also has a dog in it. I’m happy I live there because I like my cat and dog. Sometimes I like to walk out of my front door and look into the street. I wish I had neighbors. It gets lonely here. Max and Clyde help but aren’t much more than a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I’m not sure if they’re really there. I can touch them so I should think they are real, but I can never really know.